Today, I have to go into a cancer center for my doctors appointment. That’s right, I said cancer center. This is one of the most terrifying things that I’m about to do in my entire life. Why? Because whatever my body is doing right now is really fucking terrifying. I’ve been told the last couple of days all these various diagnoses that are wrong with me. First it was pneumonia. I went into the doctor for chest pain and my lymph nodes are very swollen. I didn’t get a diagnosis from that doctors appointment, but was later told that it was pneumonia, and it can take up to a month to get over it. After this, I had to go back into the doctor’s office (just a regular family physician) and get more tests. They then called me back with blood work results informing me that I had blood in my urine, (which has been a problem my entire adolescence and adulthood—and I’ve seen a nephrologist for it previously) I had rheumatoid arthritis, and lastly gout. The last one devastated me from the inside out, obviously, because what 21 year old wants to hear that they have an arthritis condition? (One of my great aunts also lost her leg to rheumatoid.) The cancer doctor situation came from something completely different. I don’t know why I had to get blood work that time, but I did, and it came back that my white cell counts were out the roof. This would obviously freak any doctor out so over the summer I was in there frequently and my white cell counts didn’t change much. I found out I had an infection in my root canal that failed, and  when asking the doctor about it, he said it should not have that much of an effect on it. So naturally, I got scheduled with an oncologist, which is defined as an oncologist. My mother has been to said oncologist because of iron problems and would talk about how she felt terrible going in there every time for infusions because there were cancer patients getting chemotherapy in there at the same time that she was getting her infusions. So with that being said, I’ll probably update this when I get out of the doctors office, but I’ll probably also be bawling my eyes out due to seeing cancer patients getting chemotherapy. After all this bad news happening in my life, I’m also terrified that something will be wrong. I feel that it’s a natural fear, because I’ve seemingly been one of the unluckiest people lately due to this. So Lord please let something not be wrong, because I couldn’t handle that right now.